General: My Final Update (2024)

A post for anyone that recalls me or my story. A fast background. In 2015 I found out my wife had a long time affair. Despite that I tried reconciliation. We have managed to work back to where we are friends. But that’s it. I simply don’t love her as anything more than friends. And in May of 2020 we decided to divorce. We waited to become empty nesters. In August 2021 we finalized the divorce in very favorable terms to each of us. To this day we are still friendly.

But it’s not all sadness. I have since moved on with a wonderful woman who has been a friend for several years. No, not that kind of friend. She was honestly just a platonic friend. Neither of us had interest in each other in any way more than that. But we started talking more, realized we have a lot in common. I eventually made my feeling clear, she was hesitant at first, but we’re now fully involved as a couple. This all came on organically, nothing forced, and in fact not even expected.

We are taking things very slowly. There are no plans to move any faster. We are on the same page. But this is the first time in my life that I’ve been with a woman that truly cares about me. She’s learning my love language, she messages me randomly, loves spending time with me, and just overall shows she actually likes and wants me in her life. And I return all this to her. We are so very happy. I hope it will continue, and I’m confident that it will.

Thanks to everyone here that helped me get through everything. This group was an important tool for me.

Congratulations on successfully moving on. Any BS deserves such a reward after experiencing the betrayal of infidelity. My ex-wife was a serial cheater. We shared one child so NC was impossible after the divorce. She worked very hard to establish a friendly relationship between the two of us after we split up. I have to give her credit for doing that. She remarried almost immediately, but not to the AP. I have remained single, though I am in a serious relationship.

But, alas, it became evident to me not too long ago that my ex-wife's motivations for working so hard to keep a somewhat close connection were out of selfishness. It eased her guilt and provided evidence to the outside world that I was fully recovered and held no animosity for what she had done. In fact, how could her behavior have been so bad if I was now a friend of hers? She still considered us family, or so she said.

Well, this wasn't enough for her. Behind my back, she was badmouthing me horribly. She was saying terrible things to our daughter-in-law and her parents. After it got back to me, I experienced a reawakening of all the trauma I went through during our marriage.

A leopard does not change its spots. I have now gone NC with her and it will remain that way until the end of time. I will be civil toward her if we unavoidably cross paths but I will never be her friend.

You share children with your ex-wife so NC will be next to impossible. But, I would advise that you remain "friendly" in social gatherings but not a friend otherwise. Cheaters do not deserve such validation. You have a new life. Keep the ex-wife out of it as much as possible. Good luck to you. I wish you the best.

Great update Cycle!

I knew the last update you posted here you were struggling — so it’s awesome to see you found a path through and found some happy!

Be well, and continued health and healing with your new relationship.

src9043,

When I say friends, I mean that we can be friendly and civil when together for whatever reason. We are certainly not hanging out together or anything like that. For our families and children, we have agreed to be this way. NC is not an option given how intertwined our lives are, so we agreed that there was no reason for bitterness moving forward. I am content with how things are.

Hi...I don't know your story, but I am glad for you. It's uplifting when one shares one's happiness with others on SI.

It is so GOOD to "see" you on here again!! I have often wondered how things have been. I am very HAPPY to see this positive update!! Thank you so much for sharing it!!

I wasn't able to be civil with my XWH...let alone friends. This was back in the 80's though...and when he kidnapped our child there were no repercussions for it. Thank God my XWH brought our child back...but there was NO WAY I was ever going to risk losing our child like that again. I am happy that y'all are able to do this for your children!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

Cycle 1: Your approach is correct: friendly but not friends. I hope your ex-wife realizes this is a gift. She should be respectful of you and your life from this point forward. Mine didn't do that. My ex-wife has made being friendly a thing of the past. As I told her, I will be civil with her when our paths cross, but that is it.

OP - Hope you don't mind. If you can do over, would you wait to make the decision to D back in 2015? Any regrets in terms of waited 5 years to come to the conclusion of wanting a divorce.

Best of luck with the new lady in your life.

Cycle1, I'm glad you've found happiness and took the time to come back and share it with us.

So glad you finally are at a point where you can be happy. I’m also on pretty good terms with my EX. I have many friends that even without infidelity aren’t. Life on good terms much better. After her LTA I think this is a smart choice. Sounds like she was on board too. Good luck!