Just Found Out :
Another D-Day?
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Feb 8, 2011 (original poster member #31137)posted at 10:04 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
Guessed her e-mail password...found this e-mail from October to a different guy...
John,
Yeah, I can't deny I'm hurt. It stings pretty good when the source is someone I consider a friend. I've held u in a dark place for a few days now and maybe u don't deserve that.
I am not capable of intimacy without some opportunity to talk. I dont need a lot but check in w me or ill feel pretty used. I don't want things to change but no change is not realistic.
Maybe I need processing time or maybe I need to harden up as Dave says. I know I was instigator here. U r the assertive one so we can share the responsibility.
Oddly, I don't have guilt.
I need to pause. Maybe not a full reset. We may wander down the same wild single track but maybe I'll have eyes wide open.....
Have to keep my wits about myself
3 kids
Don't feed the drama
Help.
D-Day see username
and maybe March 11, 11
ME: 45 yr old BH
Her: 40 yr old WW
3 kids
married 11 years
Who is this woman in my house?!
posts: 717 · registered: Feb. 9th, 2011 · location: canada
id 5127108
deb3129 ( member #30315)posted at 10:15 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
(((Feb82011)))
I don't really have any advice, but my thoughts are with you. This does not sound good at all.
Just remember that what ever happens, you need to take care of yourself and your precious kids.
I am pessimistically optimistic
Me- 45
WH- 38
Married 15 years, together 18. Two kids together, boys age 11 and 12.
DDay-11/29/2010
I never knew that something could be this painful and not kill you.
posts: 836 · registered: Dec. 6th, 2010 · location: Southeast Texas
id 5127118
confused615 ( member #30826)posted at 10:16 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
Im so sorry. I have no advice. Im in a bad place today myself. BIG hugs to you.
(((Feb 8)))
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
posts: 15220 · registered: Jan. 15th, 2011
id 5127119
toby ( member #10337)posted at 10:29 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
It doesn't sound good. Like I said before......when a WS talks about open marriage, it's usually after they lived it!!
posts: 1774 · registered: Apr. 8th, 2006 · location: Texas
id 5127137
Feb 8, 2011 (original poster member #31137)posted at 10:36 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
I know this guy better...he was one of the organizers of the trip we took to the cycling French Alps last summer.
I always felt uncomfortable with the way he looked at her, but as she said...she was the instigator.
If we didn't have kids, I'd be gone already.
D-Day see username
and maybe March 11, 11
ME: 45 yr old BH
Her: 40 yr old WW
3 kids
married 11 years
Who is this woman in my house?!
posts: 717 · registered: Feb. 9th, 2011 · location: canada
id 5127141
boudicca ( member #30136)posted at 10:39 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
I'm so sorry. I think she has been in an open marriage for a while now. She just never bothered to inform you of the fact.
Are you going to ask her about it?
posts: 2529 · registered: Nov. 17th, 2010
id 5127146
toby ( member #10337)posted at 10:43 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
If we didn't have kids, I'd be gone already.
Your WW knows this. That's why she'll never stop f*cking other men.
posts: 1774 · registered: Apr. 8th, 2006 · location: Texas
id 5127149
longsadstory1952 ( member #29048)posted at 10:45 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
Wow, man. My last post to you was that I thought she was seriously damaged and possibly a predator herself. The push toward an open marriage is much more clear now.
So, secret email plus this post = another A, almost beyond doubt. Do you have any other emails of a similar nature? I supose there is some BS way she could try to explain it, but I really can't think of one. Time to really think about S or D. By the way, how long did the A with the other OM last? Did these overlap?
I say again, your WW is in need of some serious professional help here.
By the way, who is Dave? Om #3?
[This message edited by longsadstory1952 at 4:46 PM, March 11th (Friday)]
posts: 1208 · registered: Jul. 14th, 2010
id 5127152
toby ( member #10337)posted at 10:52 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
Put a keylogger on her computer. I bet she's got profiles in some "hook-up" sites.
posts: 1774 · registered: Apr. 8th, 2006 · location: Texas
id 5127158
mourningtheloss ( member #24917)posted at 10:53 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
((((((( FEB )))))))))))
I feel SO badly for you. Your "wife" is an unbelievably selfish ass. I've been following your thread and I can honestly say i HATE her. 
Take care of yourself. Somewhere out there there is an honest woman with morals who will be delighted to show you what you've been missing.
BS: Me, 52
WS: Him 51 - 7mo EA/ 2mo PA
27 years Married
DS 24, DD 15
DD#1: 04/28/09 Found email from OW and demanded NC and was promised
DD#2 05/15/09 - False R, C never stopped
"Lose a Cheater, Gain a LIFE"
posts: 513 · registered: Jul. 22nd, 2009 · location: Ca
id 5127159
wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162)posted at 11:01 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
maybe I need to harden up as Dave says
Who is Dave?
FBH - 52 FWW - 53 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 17 & 22The people you do your life with shape the life you live
posts: 55814 · registered: Jun. 28th, 2007 · location: Michigan
id 5127171
palerider ( member #22496)posted at 11:13 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
Who is Dave?
The way this is playing out? Probably OM#3 who lined up "John" for the 3 way.
Feb, you need to snap out of it and file. Easier said the done, but here's your chance to profit from everybody else's experience. You've got grow a hard ass very fast.
posts: 579 · registered: Jan. 18th, 2009 · location: Texas
id 5127186
jb3199 ( member #27673)posted at 11:36 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
Sorry, brother.
It is so damn hard to stand up when you keep getting kicked while you are down.
One day at a time.
Detach, detach, detach.
BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14
posts: 4358 · registered: Feb. 21st, 2010 · location: northeast
id 5127212
Feb 8, 2011 (original poster member #31137)posted at 11:54 PM on Friday, March 11th, 2011
Dave, no I don't think so. Just a guy...
I have to play it somewhat cool, I believe that this is a ONS from OCtober, or perhaps she was even turned down...
I don't want to reveal my sources.
Tyring to get to MC on the 16th, but now I'll probably find a lawyer before then
D-Day see username
and maybe March 11, 11
ME: 45 yr old BH
Her: 40 yr old WW
3 kids
married 11 years
Who is this woman in my house?!
posts: 717 · registered: Feb. 9th, 2011 · location: canada
id 5127241
ineedtoleave ( member #29332)posted at 12:05 AM on Saturday, March 12th, 2011
OMG ((Feb)). This ____ keeps coming in for you, doesn't it. What a nightmare! Hang in there, buddy!
BS(me)-52
WH-59
OW-43(married ex-Co-worker)
Married 6 yrs
DD#1: 3/19/10
DD#2: 5/11/10
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
posts: 977 · registered: Aug. 16th, 2010 · location: Arizona
id 5127246
longsadstory1952 ( member #29048)posted at 12:27 AM on Saturday, March 12th, 2011
I see nothing here to indicate a ONS. It looks like they broke up when John was not giving her what she needed by way of intimacy, but she agreed to hold the door open for future meetings.
posts: 1208 · registered: Jul. 14th, 2010
id 5127266
reallyscrewedup7 ( member #30825)posted at 2:44 AM on Saturday, March 12th, 2011
Feb
Oh crap. Man, she is tearing your soul to shreds.
I wish I had good advice that I have not already given. But all I can say is I will pray that God gives you the strength to endure what you have to do to start healing.
Infidelity sucks sh*t
posts: 1145 · registered: Jan. 14th, 2011 · location: Finding my way
id 5127520
beenthere2? ( member #28554)posted at 5:19 AM on Saturday, March 12th, 2011
Since she probably has at least two OM and wants an "open" marriage, have you been tested for STDs?
Me: BW 34 Him: WH 36
Married 10
Dday #1 5/15/10 claimed EA/just friends
#2 9/20/10 (admitted to kiss w/ same OW
#3 11/29/10 admitted to a lot more
posts: 3981 · registered: May. 18th, 2010
id 5127723
stardust ( member #20223)posted at 8:45 AM on Saturday, March 12th, 2011
I'm so sorry. This is for sure another affair, and I don't believe a ons. I think it was a nsa affair, but it sounds like your ww was starting to feel used because this guy wanted it to remain nsa and she clearly wanted it to be something djfferent.
This is all wrong and I think if she is wanting an open marriage and she clearly states in the email she has no guilt, there is much more you don't know.
I have also been down this road, too many times, and it is an awful road to travel.
Hugs and support!
Me Bw Multiple D day's
Him WH Multiple false R's
5 children, mine, his, and ours, daughter not well, had her spinal chord punctured. Trying to heal her, myself and our family from this tragedy, don't you
love my wh's contribution?
posts: 626 · registered: Jul. 13th, 2008 · location: Toronto, Canada
id 5127813
Feb 8, 2011 (original poster member #31137)posted at 9:18 AM on Saturday, March 12th, 2011
I have Dr.'s appt on the 29th...will ask to get tested then.
Yeah, I guess it wasn't a ONS either.
I will be gone all day at a hockey tournament...leaving in 2 hours (couldn't sleep - we argued again last night)
Thanks everyone.
D-Day see username
and maybe March 11, 11
ME: 45 yr old BH
Her: 40 yr old WW
3 kids
married 11 years
Who is this woman in my house?!
posts: 717 · registered: Feb. 9th, 2011 · location: canada
id 5127830
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